Ways and Means
by FallingWords
Summary: Tommy has sorted out his feelings for Jude and is ready to take that step now, but Jude has already let go. A one shot. Song by Snow Patrol.


**Getting too busy to make amends **

He didn't even bother to stop by the restaurant that night. He knew that seeing her would make it harder for him to leave and take care of what needed to be done. And though he didn't want to hurt her, he knew that she would always go back to him without fail, every time. He hurt her, she cried, they kissed and made up.   
**  
I should try to make it right **

As he walked into G Major, nothing looked different. Some things just don't change, and even though he had been gone for 2 months, everything was the same. No one had even bothered to touch his office. Darius must have assumed what was going on. That he would be back once he sorted out his feelings for Jude, what it would mean for his career, her career, and their future together.

He walked in and threw himself into the desk chair, his hands rested on the edge of the desk and a familiar leather bound book was carelessly resting on the desktop as if someone had just thrown it on the desk before leaving in a hurry.  
**  
Are you ready for the shit to hit **

He reached out for the notebook and opened the cover, his heart dropped as he saw the inscription that he had left for Jude, his gift for the completion of her second album, their second album together. Thumbing through the pages he found several half finished songs, angry words jotted down in a hurry, the ink blurred in places and the paper warped from the tears fallen on the pages.   
**  
I think you say you are but aren't **

"Mr. Quincy, welcome back. Did you enjoy your vacation?" Liam stood leaning against the doorframe, his hand on his hip with his suit jacket pushed back like he always did. A façade of power and control. His voice was laced with sarcasm as he spoke the word 'vacation'. With his eyebrow cocked he failed to wait for Tommy's answer. "Since you're ready to get back to work, your artist is waiting in studio A. Maybe she can actually finish a song now."  
**  
Doctor make it better instantly **

With her notebook in hand, Tommy made his way to the hallway of studios and he saw a girl through the glass window, a girl he didn't recognize. Frail, pale hands strummed the strings of a guitar and sinewy fingers danced across the frets. She had dark auburn hair, and her face was hidden as she looked down and watched for chord changes and progressions.  
**  
You're the only one who can **

He walked towards the recording booth door, and slowly opened it, careful to not distract her. The rifts of tense minor chords hit his ears and he stood there for a minute just watching her.

Unable to fight off the feeling anymore of being watched she stopped playing and looked up and saw the face that haunted her sleep every night for the last two months. Her eyes narrowed as she pushed the hair out of her face, "What are you doing here?"  
**  
I've been waitin' here my whole damn life **

"I'm back." He shrugged his shoulders. She was always angry at first, she would get over it.

"Yeah, I see that. Now what are you doing here." She set her guitar down and started to walk around the studio picking up her belongings so she could leave.

"I was told my artist was waiting in the studio."

"You must have the wrong studio then." Her words were harsh and clipped out in response to him.

"Jude, you'll always be my artist."

"No Tommy, no. I was your artist when you were there for me. I was your artist when you hadn't abandoned me for two months. I was your artist before you decided to cross that line, and then back out.

But not anymore. I'm not your artist, I'm not your friend, and I will never be your toy, or lover."  
**  
And I've forgotten what I wanted **

"Jude, come on. I needed space. I got it. Now I'm ready for us."

"Well I'm so glad things are working out for you, and you're ready for us. But there will never be an 'us'. You lost your chance."  
**  
If I lied you'd know it instantly **

"Don't pretend like you don't want this as much as I do. You kissed me at the Vinyl Palace, you dragged me to the farmhouse, you hated me for kissing you on you birthday, you were jealous when I dated your sister. Come on, Jude. Why can't we just forget that and move on?"

"I'm trying to move on, you're the one who can't let go and move on. Those things meant nothing, remember? We were supposed to forget them. I did, now why can't you?"  
**  
So I just had to look away **

Looking down at his hands, he thumb rubbed against the soft leather of the book.

"You know I never meant any of that. I said it because I had to, Jude."

"Had to? No Tommy, you were saying that because you wanted to. Because it was easier than admitting the truth to yourself. You fell in love with a fifteen year old. And it was easier to lie to yourself than admit the truth."

"I had no choice! You were fifteen for Christ's sake!"

"I never said you had to act on it. I just said admit it." Her voice was cold as she stood on the opposite side of the booth, watching him stand uncomfortably under her scrutiny.  
**  
All the honesty I've ever lost **

"Nothing. There is nothing I can do to make you happy, is there? I try to do the right thing, it's not what you want. I want to do this now, it's not what you want. Tell me Jude, what do you want from me, because obviously any decision that I make on my own isn't the right one. So enlighten me, please."  
**  
I can't begin to even curse **

She advanced towards him, dropping her bag at her side as she pushed herself off of the wall she leaned against as she listened to excuse after excuse. Her hair flowed out from behind her as she stalked closer and closer to him. Tommy didn't know if she was going to pin him against the wall to kiss him or just brush past him and walk out on him like he had done to her all those times.

Once she was only inches away from his face, she raised her right hand, striking it across his face. He flinched at the contact and the residual sting but stared at her dumbfounded. He brought his own hand up and gingerly rubbed the red mark on his face, as he continued to stare at her wide-eyed.  
**  
I never knew the taste of blood til now **

The saliva on his tongue was tinged with the metallic taste of iron. His tongue swept along the inside of his cheek only to find that he was bleeding.

"What the fuck was that for?!" 

She stood in front of him, unmoving. She was fuming, her face was flushed pink and her breathing was heavy and labored.

He grabbed her wrists and spun them around, pinning her to the wall. 

"Let. Me. Go." She hissed out as she tried to pull her arms away from his grasp.  
**  
It's clear I never should have known **

"No." Holding her against the wall. She felt the skin of her wrists become red and irritated as she struggled against the weight of his body.

She stared him down, and the look in his eyes terrified her. Their usual clear blue was dark and murky, and being unable to read him scared her. As he let her left wrist go, the hold on her right one tightened and she braced herself against the impact of his hand.  
**  
Breathing fire was never this much fun **

He opened his mouth to say something, but when he realized what was going on, he dropped her other wrist and stepped away from her. Her already frail body shook in terror and silent tears streamed down her face as she took in hiccupped gulps of air.  
**  
So there's a dark side in us all**

"I would never hurt you." His voice was low and broken as he watched her collapse to the floor in sobs that wracked her frame.

"Bullshit." She choked out.  
**  
Maybe I can do it **

"You would never hurt me?" she harshly brushed the tears away from her face, "Then tell me Tommy, tell me why I'm crying. Crying again because of you. It's always because of you. Congratu-fucking-lations."

She carefully pulled herself up again, straightening out her clothes and standing as tall as possible, taking a step forward towards Tommy, he lengthened the gap again, taking another step back.  
**  
If I put my back into it **

"It's time you grow up." She shook her head laughing bitterly, "You think you're so big and bad. You did me such a favor by coming back to tell me you were ready for a relationship? Don't forget that you ran like a scared little boy two months ago. Don't forget all the shit you did to me before. Grow up Tommy."  
**  
I can leave you if I wanted **

"All the times that you made the first move? That you kissed me and then apologized? And don't act like it was only me. There were many, many mutual occasions, Jude."

She shook her head at him, a heartbreaking expression on her face, "You don't get it, do you? I never didn't want to be with you. I held onto those moments as if they were my lifeline. I lived for the moments when you would be weak enough to give in to what we were. To the things that you would never admit on your own."

The dark streaks down her cheeks and the sad whisper of her voice tore at his heart. He watched as he yet again made herself vulnerable to him, and he stood there as usual, cold and wordless.  
**  
But there's nowhere else that I can go **

She nodded in understanding, knowing that things hadn't changed up to this point, nor were they about to. Brushing past him, she went to pick up her all but forgotten purse and went to leave the studio. She turned back one last time, pushing her hair behind an ear, taking one last look at him before leaving the studio.  
**  
Maybe I won't suffer **

"I tried," He looked up at her from where he was standing, thinking he had imagined her voice. "I really wanted to wait. But- it hurt too much.

"To wonder where you where you were every night. How drunk you got, and how many random, meaningless fucks you had along the way. I couldn't deal with it all."

Opening his mouth, he stopped short before saying anything. The truth at this point was irrelevant. And if him sleeping around and getting drunk made things easier for her, then who was he to change that.  
**  
If I find I way to love her **

"Yeah, that's what I thought. That's always what it is." She adjusted the purse strap on her shoulder, and turned to walk out of the room. She gently closed the door behind her, using her weight to shut it before she slowly walked down the hallway, disappearing behind a corner.  
**  
But there is no way out that I can see**


End file.
